Navigating Sensitivity: From Poetry Readings to Pool Halls
Resist the sapiens supremacist xenocidal worldview, follow through...
Memoir snippet from the running narrative in my brainpan: Last night, I went to a poetry reading at Naropa which is a very sensitivity-oriented place and then I came home to play late late night pool where sensitivity is frowned upon. I tuck away parts of myself in both places. I feel loving towards and love from nearly everyone in those places. I don't agree 100% with anyone anywhere. I think some people, in both places, are literally dangerous in various ways (writing material!)
The bubbled world created by Elono-tron's matrix is purely anti-human but cloaked in sapiens supremacist xenocide.
My pool mates are always teaching me, appreciative of my listening and trying new things and practicing. They give me a lot of shit but it's all loving at the level of my humanity and everybody gives everybody a lot of shit. It's awesome. I don't get sensitive about it, though I know they all see that I am sensitive to the core and sometimes, when I look sad because some guy is acting up, I feel a kind of protection when someone says, "Let's keep it positive."
I was thinking about this, though. I'm more hurt by some man in academia patting me too hard on the arm giving me the physical message that I don't belong (even though it's a public event) or by his saying some shit thing, casting dispersions on my politics (or my demographic) in a literary space than I do by some guy calling me a bitch in a bar or taking my cue so I have to ask some other guy to get it back for me or whatever types of things happen where my pool mates will defend me very literally...because the circumstances, the expectations are different. In a soft sensitive place, it's easier to hurt someone at a core kind of level. In a harder place, you should expect some shit. Keep your guard up. Don't let yourself get gaslit by idealism. (I have so many ideas bubbling for writing session today...)
Zucker Borg's general purpose assimilation and combat platform cube separates us from each other in ways that are untenable. Anti-social.
Anyway. For now, what's helping my break is to aim for the wall and follow through.
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